When interacting with strangers online, I find that it is easier to express my thoughts and ideas without any barriers. Online conversations are low risk and low commitment, so it’s easy to just drop the conversation and run the other away if things sour or if I say something embarrassing. Sure, it’s still possible to do this in person as well, although it would be rather unusual.
That isn’t to say that I’m entirely myself when speaking to strangers online, but I do feel like I don’t have to hide myself as much. If I start talking about how I love Pokemon to someone I just met in person, that would come off as strange. If I did that online, yes it would still be somewhat bizarre, but probably more acceptable compared to doing it in person.
Once I actually consider the person “known” then I am comfortable with behaving as I truly would. But until that point, I would say things that people would like to hear and avoid bringing up any information that could lower the reputation of how I am perceived.
It’s sort of like when someone asks “what do you do for fun” at work, and the generic answer to that is “oh, I like going on walks, watching shows on Netflix, and spending time with my friends!”. It takes a certain amount of vulnerability to provide a personal answer to that question that isn’t just fluff. I wouldn’t make myself vulnerable unless it’s to someone I consider “known”.
I wouldn’t consider someone “known” until after at least a few encounters with them. Even when I consider someone an acquaintance instead of a stranger, they’re still not entirely “known”. After all, if I trusted someone thoroughly, I wouldn’t consider them only acquaintances.
This changes when it comes to online conversations, mainly because people are more free online. I find that it is more acceptable to be weird and embrace your likes and dislikes. Because of all that, it feels like I consider people to be “known” more easily just because we can deep dive into our hobbies and interests without any barriers.
Anywho, now we fast forward to our stranger encounter.
Sitting in a study area on campus by myself, I really had to go to the washroom. I didn’t want to pack up my bag and laptop because that’s a bit of a hassle, but I wouldn’t exactly trust leaving my belongings in a room full of strangers. I then recalled seeing a familiar face, although “familiar” is a vague term in this case. I had never actually spoken to them online or in person before, but I have seen their name a few times in the Discord server for my major.
I walked on over to them, introduced myself, and asked if they were Mekdim from the Discord server. If they had answered no, I probably would have silently returned to my seat in shame. However, thankfully that was not the case. I presented the idea of becoming “pee pee partners”, that way if one of us had to go to the washroom, the other would be able to remain behind and ensure that our belongings didn’t suddenly grow legs and run away.
Mekdim seemed like a friendly fellow and accepted my offer, so I suppose at that point we had become acquaintances. We exchanged some small talk about what classes we were taking, what things we had done over winter break, and what things we did for fun. All of our answers were kept surface level though.
If I had my encounter with Mekdim online instead of in person, it probably would’ve been easier to deep dive into our thoughts and hobbies. Especially since we wouldn’t feel a need to uphold any sort of in person social expectations that we have set up for ourselves.
Although in any case, having this fateful encounter was definitely a plus. Most of the people I would have considered “known” have already graduated and wouldn’t be seen on campus anymore, so as much as I hate to admit it, I did feel somewhat alone. So it’s from this encounter, the shot in the dark to become pee pee partners, that I was able to find a new friendly face among the sea of the unknown. I still wouldn’t consider Mekdim as “known”, but it’s closer to “known” than it was before.
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